“Fruit sellers and the tabloids”

Fruit is grown to eat "as is", that is, there are no individually wrapped packaging, for the most part, and the sellers of fruit want it to go from purchase directly to the buyer's mouth. As these fruit-sellers grew bigger, they were naturally concerned with producing a fresher, longer lasting, nicer looking, and better tasting fruit than the other fruit-selling companies out there. So they started a new department, full of scientists and laboratory equipment. They created new pesticides and growth enhancers and finally began genetically modifying their fruit.

Why? Because it must be the best. They must beat out the other competition.

This is where the marketing department came in. Why, they asked, do we still put stickers with our logo on our fruit? Haven't we gone beyond that? We want people to eat our fruit as soon as they buy it. We don't want them stopping to pull off a sticker, or worse, bite into it and taste the label. We need to find another way.

The administration turned to the scientific development department. “What can you do for us?” they asked. “We will pay you extra bonuses for a result.” The scientists got together and created a solution: genetic branding. The fruit would have a genetic code to brand itself with the company logo.

“How did you do that?” asked the Administration.

“It's much too complicated,” answered the scientists, “We'd really like to explain it to you, but it would take calculations and charts and in the end, you really wouldn't get it anyway.”

The marketing department hailed their new product as, "An inventive innovation inundating the industry" in their press release.

There was an uproar in the form of a protest group, which happens every time a truly innovative concept hits the marketplace. It quickly abated when the People's Press published a much misspelled article claiming the new apple, "wonderful too eat" and "a knew product for the People". It was the fault of the copy editor of the paper, which was the automatic spell checker ever since George left in a huff to start The Popular Socialist.

The Administration made all the scientists sign binding non-competition contracts to keep the incomprehensible formula out of competitors’ hands. However, there was one scientist who refused to sign the non-competition contract. He was being sued by the fruit corporation for violating his employment contract, which stated that the company could make him do anything they liked as long as they paid him. This scientist didn’t care; he was stark raving mad. He was the one who invented the genetic formula and the only one who knew the entire code to genetically brand fruit. His name was the Professor.

The Professor did not go to another company with his invention; instead, they all chased him. But he refused to give the formula to anyone. One year later he finally confessed the formula one night to a potted plant while urinating into it. This was unfortunate for the young woman on the other side of the potted plant.

Her name was Maddie Jones, and she was a reporter for a tabloid newspaper, Starrr! She was quick enough to write the formula into her notepad, which was unfortunate for her. She wrote an amazing article for her newspaper, which would have been the first tabloid article to win a Pulitzer had it ever been published. Instead, her editor won several secret favors from certain government “friends”. And Maddie earned a job for life, which is to say, the job was hers until she died. Unfortunately for Maddie Jones, her boss was planning on her termination.